He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
pray to the hookup gods
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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