I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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