good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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