Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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