see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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