I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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