i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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