Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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