some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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