Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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