Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
