toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
