She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
