whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
