well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
