I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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