remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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