i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
