I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
