This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
