there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize