Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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