so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
