i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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