The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
