I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
