Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
