I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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