I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
it was like eating out sand paper
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
