She's JV to your varsity
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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