I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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