Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
