I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
