She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
