Ambien. No doubt about it.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
