I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
