If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize