Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
