why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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