if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize