i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
