One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
