Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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