she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize