I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
