I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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