I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
