I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
you never un-have a 4some
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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