It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
