Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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