I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
