i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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