Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
