I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
