So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
