I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
