apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
