just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So squirting runs in the family.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
