he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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