guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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