Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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