my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
they're like a gay fantastic four
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
