Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
