ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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