Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
