just come out here and I will go home with you...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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