After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
