Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
